he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize