gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
