I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
