There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
