She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
