Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
