If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
