on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
