tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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