Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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