I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
