dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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