he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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