clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
