I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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