From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
