Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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