Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
