I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
