So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
