Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
