I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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