That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
