She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
