Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize