Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
