There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
