If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
