those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
