you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
