He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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