some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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