My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize