You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
