Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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