Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
