My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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