make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
