bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I will pee on everything he values.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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