That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
