piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
