Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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