Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
