wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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