Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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