my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
