if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
