My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
