I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He felt like a one man threesome
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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