I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
