i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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