my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
