i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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