Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
