Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
