i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
