I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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