we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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