The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
