omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
