The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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