if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
