I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
