I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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