i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
organizing the empties. That sober.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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