I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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