sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Panties = found
Randomize
