Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
