so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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