I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
