i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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