Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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