theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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