so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
