My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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