Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have already put on my inside pants.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
