Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
