Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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