man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
