lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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