If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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