At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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