i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
