I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Enjoy the penises
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
