So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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