I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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