She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
