I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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