He asked to "fluff my boner.."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize