Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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