i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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