It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's the barista slut.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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