omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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