She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
