I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize