I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
