So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
