We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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