I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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