So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
